If you don't know Fox's Socks by Julia Donaldson you can probably stop reading now. Not the similarly named Fox in Socks by Dr Seuss, but a classic lift-the-flap book for babies. Scroll down and you'll find someone reading it to you on YouTube.
It has a happy ending when Fox does find both of his socks, but if anything the book raises more questions than it answers.
Who is the silent mouse following Fox around the house? Why is the house full of duck paraphernalia? But most of all, what the hell did Fox get up to last night to leave his clothes strewn in such bizarre places around the house?
It's this last question that I'm trying to answer in my prequel, which reconstructs what must have happened the night before.
Naughty old Fox has been out on the lash.
He's stinking of booze and he's spent all his cash.
He runs to the bathroom in need of a spew,
And takes off his hat as he kneels at the loo.
He pours himself water straight out of the sink,
And drops his bow tie as he leans back to drink.
He hiccups, and water spills over his top,
So off comes the shirt as he fetches a mop.
One of his socks has come off with his shoe.
"I'll shove it inside the old clock - that'll do."
He trips on the stairs with a fall acrobatic
That somehow propels his sock into the attic.
He pulls off his vest, all his dignity gone,
And Fox passes out with his trousers still on.
Axel Scheffler - if you're reading this please do me some illustrations and we'll make our fortunes.
An amusing headline has been seen on Facebook with a link to a long article that contains no further jokes, it has emerged.
Tom Booker from Melbourne was one of those to follow the link. "The headline deftly skewered one of my half-formed irks, and I was curious to read more. But as the article wore on in the Daily Mashed Onion Biscuit, I realised that every paragraph just made the same observation that was in the headline.
Susan Logan, a systems analyst from Washington, MD, added, "It was basically a load of vox pops quotes from made-up people. I briefly wondered if there was some extra joke in their names or home towns, but no."
Professor Enrico Bruschetta at the Institute of Clickbait told us, "We all know deep down that there won't be any more jokes, that we should just chuckle at the headline and move on. But there's a tiny optimist in every brain that keeps whispering, 'Maybe the NEXT paragraph will be funny.'"
Maude Frischmann of East Hell, WI, was another who kept scrolling. "I think I actually did see a joke near the bottom, but then a full-screen ad appeared over it. I pressed the Back button but somehow found myself in Facebook again, so I don't know how the article ended."